I hate to admit it but I'm slowly falling apart, and the act I put on for everyone is crumbling a bit. This disease isn't my fault,and I keep telling myself that despite the knowledge that nearly everyone around me *will* blame me. The chemicals in my brain force me into seclusion, anxiety, and depression. But I have someone there to hold me together this time, who's always by my side. Even if I break completely, I know she will be there to pick up the pieces. Either way, this won't last forever. Someday I'll be okay again, and I will keep trying with everything in me to keep on going.

Teen Drivers With Cars More Likely To Crash - ABC News

That article was so full of bullshit, I decided to write my own. It already read like an article from The Onion but I guess I was compelled to take it one step further.

Okay. So, I'm living at my grandma's house. This means I sleep here, eat here sometimes, it's technically my residence. I go to Dundee on the weekend so I can spend more than a day at a time with Jen, since she's not allowed to sleep over here. My grandma won't let her stay for longer than 30 minutes actually, because she hates her that much. Yeah.
Grandma is 95. Pretty damn old. The thing is, she's got it together enough to be able to take care of herself. She can cook, do the dishes, etc. She's moving to Iowa with my aunt pretty soon because she needs company, but she's not really all that dependent. She has been lending me her car for the past year or so. In return I'd drive her around when she needed it for groceries, appointments, everything (because she couldn't do it herself because I had the car, etc). Now since her license has expired and she's really too old to be driving, my parents have paid her for the car and it's in my name. As in it's MY car now and she's been compensated, and anything I do as far as driving her around is just to be nice because I love her.
I'm living at her place because it's close to school. I'm taking up a spare bedroom she wouldn't be using anyway. (And i've been kicked out to my parent's place before so someone else could stay for a few days.) I'm not asking her to cook my meals or anything like that. I take care of myself. Essentially independent.

So... why does she think that I am REQUIRED to drive her to get groceries, to go to appointments, and etc? She acts as if it's my job, and gets upset if I have other plans. I have been driving her regularly for EVERYTHING (with no compensation for gas or whatever) when I'm in town. I was out of town for a few weeks over break to spend time with Jen but still came back a couple days at a time to take care of her groceries. If I was only back for a day, I made sure to stop in and say hi so she'd have some company (I was thanked by her telling me I'd never have a home and her crying because Jen was in her house and she "had to hide in her own home".) 
While I was gone she missed an appointment simply because she wouldn't call my mom or dad to drive her.

This morning she came in and told me I'd be sleeping all day and complained that I wouldn't be able to get her groceries because of it. (I stayed up all night because I slept all yesterday) I tell her she's wrong : I will be up and I'll get her groceries because I have to be up to go to lunch with Jen anyway. So she gets upset and tells me she wanted to go with me to get the groceries. I had planned on taking care of it before Jen came over anyway. Then she's upset basically because I'm seeing Jen at all and reminds me that she doesn't want her here. I got pretty annoyed at that point and told her I wasn't planning on having Jen come in and hang out because "god forbid I have any fucking friends over".

I know I shouldn't get so annoyed, but it's seriously frustrating how she expects ME drive her everywhere instead of asking my parents occasionally, and how she constantly treats me like a child.

And she does treat me like a child. Every single day she nags me about something. Last week, the night before the HSDCI meeting I had to go to, she comes in my room at least twice to tell me to eat something and go to bed because I have class in the morning. -.-; Then she comes in and wants to know what i'm going to do for an alarm clock (was way ahead of her and was going to plug mine in before I went to sleep). She also feels the need to come in and watch over my shoulder whenever i get food for myself, or nag at me for not eating the tuna casserole she made the night before. I am NOT going to eat that, because I don't trust the dishes. She does not get them clean and I've seen very dirty dishes put into the drying rack and I've had to put them back in the sink...

It all just drives me nuts. I go out of my way to do almost everything she asks, and I do it with a smile. I'd just like a bit of appreciation for it, and some RESPECT as an adult.

Okies, I can't seem to sleep so I'll update my blog. Woo!

New things:

I'm getting an apartment with Jen. Move date is probably before next semester if all goes well. Aiming for a two-bedroom apartment at Woodland Lakes. It's a BEAUTIFUL place. New apartments, clean area, etc. :D I'm very excited.

Summer semester at LCC is starting in a few hours for me.
My schedule so far is
Tuesdays and Thursdays, graphic design from 9AM to 1PM
Followed by math lab probably until 3 or 4. I dunno. We'll see how i schedule things at orientation.
Every other friday I have a required meeting with the diploma completion people.
 Then on June 13th and 14th (this weekend. BLEH.) I have a class from 9am to 5pm on QuarkXpress... some computer animation course.

I just realized at this moment that was this weekend too, so now I have to deal with not seeing Jen for a little under 2 weeks. BALLS.

Damn, it's been forever since I posted.

Anyway, it's Finals week and i'm cramming for my Film exam which i'm going to fail probably. I bombed the midterm because honestly the essay was way too hard for me. Considering how intelligent I am, I'm going to chalk it up to the instructor making it too challenging along with my inability to make shit up about trivial things in movies like lighting. :P I'm just not the type to read too much in to EVERYTHING, and this class is made for that type.
Also finishing my Illustration final project which looks like crap but it's one of those "oh well.." type of things. I'll still get a good grade, I'm just a perfectionist. 

My grandma is back home from Iowa and for this week I got sent back to my parents' house while my aunt stays there with granny. I don't know why exactly she stayed this week, but as long as I get to go back, it's cool. My parents are awesome but their house sucks.
Up until now Jen has been mostly living with me at the house, but now we have to live separately again for a few months until grandma goes back to Iowa and I start renting her house. Living with Jen was AWESOME and now living with my parents feels like hell even for a few days. (I've been living off take-out and toast these few days. Thank god I'm going back to my Grandma's.) Still, even though living at Grandma's is infinitely better than here, I am not looking forward to the super-limited time i will have with Jen. She won't be able to stay over so it's going to be weekend after weekend of going to Dundee and back for the summer. Blah.

As for my health... there's something wrong with my hormones, and I need to get in to see the doctor soon about it. I won't go into details but my mood has been all over the place and so have my periods. :/ My depression is also a little worse than it was, but I'm mostly attributing that to the dramatic hormonal issue.

Anything else? Oh, as far as games and hobbies go, Second Life has been my latest obsession. The fashion industry on there is actually full of some VERY talented people and I find the whole thing very interesting. Especially how the truly talented designers put SO much detail into their items. Right now I'm working on making something ( a shirt) to sell in-game and it's going pretty well. I'll admit it is driving me nuts though. :P But I am planning to make plenty more stuff if all goes well. Most people who have heard of second life or tried it and hated it have probably only seen the noob avatars though, which are incredibly ugly...



Yeah. It's bad. To set the record straight though, this is what my avatar looks like. it's infinitely better. :3

1. If your being extremely quiet whats it mean?
I'm probably zoned out, thinking about things, or concentrating on something.


2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
"Bitch, PLEASE." *Smack*

3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
Which one? I have so many... :P 
Seriously though, just a bit for Declan. Nobody will ever hold a candle to my Jen though.

4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
Seriously? No. Those things wreak havoc on you emotionally.

5. If so would you again? and if not, would you?
I highly doubt it.

6. Last time you laughed?
Today...when i was talking to my cat.
.... I'm not weird.

7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes. Jen. At exactly 3:50 AM.

8. Are you wearing any clothes that dont belong to you?
Nope, but i've got most of my girlfriend's male clothes here and I wear them all the time.

9. Would you ever date your best friend?
I am. :D <3 She is my best friend and she is my sunshine and my whole world.
Sorry, that was sappy. xD

10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
Too many times to count. Most recently from my girlfriend though. >:3
Notice how a lot of these questions involve my girlfriend somehow? Hmm...

11. Do you regret anything from your past?
I guess not. Everything that I might regret, I know has made me stronger.
I do regret not doing my math though @.@ I have to retake the damn course now.

12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
Not if it involved any work. If I could just push a button and it'd all be carried out, then maybe.
Generally I'm not vengeful, but there is a certain someone....

13. How do you react when people cry around you?
I start crying too. @.@;;

14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, I grab her and I'm like "Bitch, hold my hand. <3". :P

15. Last argument?
It wasn't really an argument but a heated discussion. Was with my girlfriend about our future.

16. Last kiss?
My girlfriend! :D <3

17. Would you kiss them again?
Of course! 

18. Are you jealous of this person?
I'm not jealous of anything she has... I would be jealous if anyone else hit on her? This question is confusing. :(

19. Would you ever strip for money?
Depends on how much money! XD Probably if I was more comfortable with my body.

20. Do you have a crush?
Does my girlfriend count?

21. Do you know how to belly dance?
No, and I don't think anyone would want to see it. O.O;

22. Are you in college?
Yup. I'm getting me some edumacations.


23. What are you listening to?
The Used - Sun Comes Up

25. Last nap?
@.@ Dunno. I nap all the time. Couple days ago maybe?

26. Do you own a planner?
Yeah. It's adorable and I never use it. I'm a lazy-ass.

27. Favorite month?
February for valentine's day and my girlfriend's birthday? March for my birthday? I don't know....

28. Would your parents be mad if you got someone pregnant?
I think they'd be too busy wondering how I began to produce sperm.

30. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
Well, they're not TOO happy with me being bi. But they're dealing with it.

31. What are you doing saturday?
Having valentine's day with my sweetie!

32. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
Too many things my girlfriend has done for me to count. <3
One of the sweetest things was picking out our promise rings.
Another of the sweetest was when she surprised me with a bunch of roses.
And the most recent one was when she woke me up with breakfast in bed (just an egg and some toast, but it meant so much.) <3

33. Friend most like you?
My Jenifer XD She and I are soooooo similar.

34. Kiss on the first date?
I get so full of passion that I can't help myself. I kissed Jen before we decided to be a couple. (Though it was just a few minutes before, and after that kiss it was pretty much assumed.)

35. Are you a slut/man whore?
I don't think so?

36. Favorite color?
Pink, Sky Blue, Silver, Black, and Purple. ^^

38. Excited for anything?
Valentine's Day. My girlfriend is going to DIE when she gets her presents. x3 <3

39. Ever kissed two or more people in one night?
Yup. Girl's sleepover... truth or dare, etc. You get the picture.
Silly me and my bicuriosity.

42. Last time you were confused?
Earlier tonight when I was watching LA Confidential. Susan understands this crap so much better than I do. D:

43. Last time you smiled?
While I was writing this, looking back on good memories. ^.^ <3

44. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
My girlfriend! God, I'm predictable. :P

45. Have you ever done something behind your best friends back and never told them about it when you knew you should?
No. What is this question even asking? I don't know... I once breathed without letting my best friend know?

46. Will you ever?
I don't usually notify her of every breath...

47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Neither. <_<; I steal them from the interwebs.
Well, I occasionally go to movies too. <3 Me and Jen went to our first movie a week or so ago. It was a nice dinner/movie date and we saw The Uninvited. Was creepy.

48. Been to Mexico?
No, but if I went I wouldn't drink the water.

49. Own a gun?
No, but my girlfriend does. Not in a redneck-y way, but in a self-protection way. There are just some people out there you need to protect yourself from.

50. Happy with life?
Yup. Pretty damn happy!

51. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?
The girl who didn't have a costume?
Either that or some weird cross between a hooker and a cat?

52. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?
I like tomato, lettuce, onion, lots of pickles, sometimes avocado, and ketchup and mayo. I don't care how it's grilled.

53. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?
How does it feel trying to fix this fucked-up nation of ours?

54. It's the first day of winter vacation, what are you doing?
Sleeping. XD

55. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?
Pop or water. I get dehydrated so I usually force myself to drink.

56. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?
Pop up ads. I can delete spam email whenever i want to but pop-ups are intrusive and require immediate attention. D: Those fuckers.

57. What do you think Captain Hook's name was before he had a hook for a hand?
Captain Nancy

58. Rock, paper, or scissors?
Paper.

59. How long was it from 'the first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?
Hmm.. I'd say it was maybe a couple months before we started talking about our future. Early December when we got our promise rings, and the engagement won't be for another couple years until we're settled and i'm out of college.

60. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Too loud, I think. You can always make noise somewhere that's too quiet, but you can never quiet down the loud place.

61. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
Empathy. The ability to feel what others feel, and care, is so important.

62. Whats something you need from the drugstore right now?
Vernors or bottled water.

63. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?
Probably the State Capitol. Lol.

64. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?
Sports. :( Ugh.

65. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?
Only one time. I'm that awesome.

66. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?
I rarely eat vanilla ice cream but I think crumbled oreos would be a good choice. Oreo Flurries are good.


67. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?
I'd say chocolate but then i'd kill people when I have PMS.
Pop, though. Pop, chips, and anything high in fat.


68. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?
I'd try for the $500. I guess I'm a bit of a risk-taker sometimes and $50 barely buys anything nowadays... I spend more than that on groceries. @.@

So here's my favorite picture of her. :D

<3!
I love her so much!!! 

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, post to your LJ and paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, and use your number as the header.



(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
(x ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
(x) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 16


(x) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 21


(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Harry Potter 5
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 28


(x) Finding Nemo
(x ) Finding Neverland
(x ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( x) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 37


(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 44


() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
( x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
( x) Final Destination 3
(x ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 53



(x ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
( x) Chicago
( x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( x) Secret Window
() I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 58



(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
(x ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( x) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( x) The Grudge
( x) The Grudge 2
( x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 68


( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( x) Lucky Number Slevin (The Wrong Man)
(x) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
( x) Bourne Supremacy
(x ) Bourne Ultimatum
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( x) Curious George
Total so far: 78



( x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x ) ET
( x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 42


( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
(x ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
( ) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x ) The Terminator
(x ) The Terminator 2
( x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 91


(x) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(x ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 53
100


( ) Swimfan
( x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 103



(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 106


(x ) Baseketball
( x) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
(x ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 110


( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( x) Shaolin Soccer
(x ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
total so far: 113

(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( x) Willard
Total so far: 116



( x) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( x) Hulk
( x) Dawn Of the Dead
() Hook
() Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (old one)
( x 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 120


(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( x) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 125


(x) Star Wars Ep.I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep.II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep.III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep.IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep.V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep.VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 131


(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x ) Evil Dead
( x) Evil Dead 2
( x) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x ) Silence of the Lambs
( x) Hannibal
Total: 140

God, that's crazy.
Apparently i have no life at all. XD

So,  yesterday I was out to dinner at SanSu.. had just finished eating, and I look up. I'm facing the lobby, and my attention is now out there because I thought I saw auburn (but it was just a girl who looked vaguely like her.). Then Curt walks in. That in itself gave me a panic attack. Then he looked right at me, which put me into a whole new level of panic. It'd been over a year since I saw him in person. And this time he was like 10 - 15 feet away from me.
As soon as they sat him down at a table, I got the hell out of there and left my dad to finish eating and pay. (I had to wait there for what felt like 10 minutes before I could get out, since I couldn't walk by him if he was in the lobby.)  

Seriously...what the fuck. he has no right to be anywhere near me. He really has no right to be anywhere but prison.
I can't stand knowing he can just pop up anywhere I am. I never did anything to deserve what he did to me. I don't deserve to be reminded of that just because I choose to go to dinner. I've hurt enough for a lifetime.

I'm moving away as soon as I'm done with LCC. As soon as I graduate. Probably to Ann Arbor, or Grand Rapids to go to Kendall.
I want to be as far away from Lansing and Eaton Rapids as I can be... I can't stand to live anywhere I know he could be.

Driving myself home last night, I had a panic attack on the road because a car was following me maybe 2 blocks. It's irrational but I feel like now that Curt has seen me, he's going to start stalking me again, and emailing me a million times, and etc. For the past year, the longer since I've responded to him, the less he's bothered me. Now I feel like that "out of sight, out of mind" might be gone for him and I'm scared.

Just...jesus. It's not fair.

How to feel better about yourself in three easy steps.

Step 1: Find a picture of yourself in high school

Step 2: Find a picture of yourself now

Step 3: Compare

Me in High School... like freshman year I think.



Cool hair, about 100 pounds thinner, but no makeup and a very young face.


Me now (From the beginning of December):



100 pounds more weight, faded dye job on my hair, again no makeup.

Not really an ego boost. :( I like how i looked before much better. Oh well. xD

Rules: - Go to Urban Dictionary and type in your answers to the following questions. - Post the first definition it gives you. - Tag 3 people. 1) Your name? Sarah   The name "Sarah" is translated from the Hebrew language. It means "Princess"...and rightly so! The translation of "Sarah" is "princess" 2) Your age? 18   The age where an American can: 1. Legally buy pornography 2. Legally buy cigarettes 3. Legally gamble in Indian Casinos 4. Legally be concidered an adult 5. Be tried as an adult in a court of law 6. Be drafted for a war they don't believe in ... but still cannot buy alcohol. Billy: Wow! I turned 18! I'm going to buy cigarettes and gamble in a shoddy Indian casino! Joey: Wow! I turned 21! I'm going to buy vodka and gamble in a real casino! Billy: ... damn country. 3) One of your friends? Kristen Slang for "most awesome girl ever" Billy: You are so kristen! Kristen: Thanks you! 4) What should you be doing? Going to the dentist. Giving oral sex Origin: you go to the dentist for what? Oral hygiene. See the connection? Also very useful for describing one's advancement in the particular sport. -patient: beginner -dental hygienist: bit of experienced -dentist: very experienced "They're at a new stage in the relationship, they just started going to the dentist." "I went to the dentist with some guy at a bar last night." "Have you heard that Mary went to dentist again last night?" "I'm not surprised, she's a dentist." "Joe is concerned about her oral hygiene, he's trying to convince her to go to the dentist." (Lmao, wtf.) 5) Favorite color? Pink (adj.) - possessing homosexual qualities and/or tendencies, gay-like, faggot-like 6) Birthplace? Michigan The state consisting of two seasons; winter and construction. "Nobody should live or pass through Michigan" 7) Month of your birth? March Month in which creative, layed-back, dreamy, cool people were born. She was born in march so she is creative, layed-back, dreamy and cool. 8) Last person you talked to? Jenifer   She has the most beautiful eyes and hair. She smells that of a fall evening, and her voice will typically seranade you. 9) One of your nicknames? Kitten Kittens are little cute animals which get killed by god each time someone masturbates.

*** I didn't pick the first definitions every time because that was too boring. :P

Rules:
So here's the rules, you simply have to mark all the things you've seen or at least know of. Just to see how much you know about the INTERNET crazyness and other. 

Then tag as many as you want, or don't tag any, it's up to you!

( Because there isn't enough pointless internet  )

Grand Total: 59

Ok, so I've been forgetting my meds off and on which is bad. My mood has been noticeably changing and people have been asking me what's wrong. I really need to remember this stuff or I'm screwed since winter is coming up.

I should be heading to school right now but i'm procrastinating on going because I can't find the clothes i'm looking for. Damn messy room. I need to do laundry soon.

Bleh.

When people are randomly assholes to me. Yeah. It sucks. :/
Especially over something like smoking.

I don't really have much else to say, except I'm in a truly shitty mood now for the first time in months.
Goddamnit.

It's not like I've not already got a million health risks anyway. I'm more likely to die of complications due to my obesity than due to smoking 2 cigarettes a day for a couple months and then quitting.

Alright! Just posting to say I made it home ok. :D DC was a ton of fun and I will tell all about it later in my next blog, but right now I need to sleep! This weekend was exhausting!

I am leaving for Washington DC at 4:30 AM this morning! :D Wish me luck! I'm so excited!
I just hope I can sleep in the van. Lol

This is going to be SO gay. :P

2008 - Present    Lansing Community College 2004 - 2006    Eaton Rapids High School 2006 - 2007    Greyhound Central High School

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.



01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

So, emotionally I've been a bit off these past few days. I've just been thinking too much about the situation with Jen and it's been confusing me... I have always considered myself straight and now jumping into a relationship with a girl is very confusing and strange for me. She makes me incredibly happy, but i have so many doubts along with the happiness. I'm partly scared because of being hurt in the past, and partly worried that my preference for men will affect my love for Jen. >.<

I've been a little down for a couple days partly because of that, partly because of Declan and some residual feelings for him... and then just tiredness. College is kinda exhausting at times, especially with how busy my schedule is.

Also, tonight my psycho ex emailed me again. I thought i was rid of him and it deeply bothers me that he's still trying to harass me. These attempts of his are getting farther and farther apart, but I had hoped he'd be done... that he'd leave me alone for good. It seems no matter what I do I can't fully escape him. Even seeing an email from him made me nearly break down in a panic attack. I almost feel violated by it... I just want that terrifying part of my life to be over. I don't want to think of it any more. It's just so unfair that there has been no justice for what he did to me.

Anyway -

Bleh.. I wish tomorrow was Thursday so I could just chill and have my weekend with Jen. I've got too much on my mind right now.
At least it's just my drawing class and a couple errands tomorrow. Then I'm done for the day besides homework ^_^;

Oh, and I've decided to go to Washington DC for that conference on LGBT issues transitioning from college to the workplace and things such as that next weekend. I'm so excited, because I'm going with a few people from the Gay Straight Alliance. It'll be a good chance to get to know them better, since I'm new to the group. They're all really cool people from the couple times I've met them, so I'm pretty excited. That and I LOVE to travel. I'm gonna have to make sure to bring lots of pamphlets and such home for Jen. Especially ones concerning TG stuff.
<3 I'm glad I'm so involved in stuff like this now. I can learn even more about what Jen is going through, so i can understand more how she feels. I wanna support her in every way I can. I can barely imagine how hard this whole transition must be for her... but every step she takes towards who she wants to be makes me so happy. Even though I sometimes find myself wishing she were still male... my love for her as a person takes precedence over that always. It makes me happier to know that she can finally be happy with herself and how the world sees her. <3
Nobody I've been with has ever treated me as kindly and as gently as she has. Nobody has ever made me as happy as she makes me without even trying. :) And I never get tired of her. She makes me feel safe and at peace.... and I'm so glad I found her.

So, there. :) Heh. There's what's been going on in my head so far.

Ok, SO much has been going on since I've started college. I don't know where to start, but I guess I'll address all my classes first.

I have Math Lab twice a week for Math 112 from 10AM to Noon. Math lab means I'm doing all the work independently. There's no teacher lecturing. I'm just in the big math room (a lot like a library minus bookshelves, if you get what i mean.) and teachers walk around in case anyone has questions. So far, amazingly, I'm ahead of schedule. I got a 93% on my first test, which was a relief. I'm beginning to feel like I'll be able to do well in this class. :D

Then there's American Political Studies which I have right after my math lab. Like, 10 minutes after... which originally meant i didnt have time to grab lunch ever, BUT since I'm ahead in Math all the time, I get permission to leave a few minutes earlier to grab something from the Kennedy Cafeteria. Woo! So far this class is going well. The teacher is pretty fun, and very laid back. We had our first assignment in class yesterday which was basically just a discussion of the US Constitution and what we would change. We were split up into groups and I ended up leading mine. I keep surprising myself with how outgoing I am.

I'm not even going to describe Student Development because it's like..nothing.

My one other class is Drawing I on Monday and Wednesday mornings from 10 to noon. The teacher is nice and I have about 4 friends in the class. There's Brittany who i'm having lunch with on monday and then several other girls whos names I haven't memorized yet.

Overall college is going pretty awesome... though every time I wear a white shirt I spill coffee on it.
Yesterday I bought a Tide To Go pen because I had yet another coffee spill. It's getting ridiculous how many times I do this...

Oh, and I may be going to Washington DC to meet Tim Gunn and attend a conference on LGBT issues in the workplace and stuff. It should be cool. It's the 26th and goes ALL WEEKEND, and our group is driving all the way there.... 11 hours on the road. Whoah. I'm glad the people are nice.
It's going to be a lot of people from the Gay Straight Alliance, which I just started attending meetings for. :D I may be designing the T-Shirts for Coming Out Day. Woo! 
Social activism is fun.. plus in December we're having a drag show. Hell yeah! XD


Other than that stuff, things between me and Jennifer are going great. I'm going to spend the weekend at her place in a little bit. For the most part my issues with the relationship are taken care of. At first I was confused about whether I was attracted to her partly because of the whole male aspect, but the longer I'm with her the more I realize that I love her for who she is, and the gender doesn't matter to me.

So, I know I'm not straight now. There's just no way I could  claim to be while dating a girl. :P If i had to put myself into a category I guess I'd say I'm bisexual. But.... I don't really care what way I'm categorized, because I just don't think of things that way regarding Jen. 
I love her, and I don't spend a lot of time wondering if that makes me a lesbian. I just take the relationship for what it is and people can assume what they'd like. <3

This is definitely the best relationship I've ever been in. My whole life in general is going amazingly for the first time in so long... I can't remember the last time I was this happy with my life. :D Yay.